Emotional Intelligence

emotional intelligence leadership personal growth & development teamwork

Today, I'm going to share some thoughts from one of my mentors, Dr. Darius Danielles, on emotional intelligence, otherwise known as the emotional quotient, or EQ for short.

All of life is integrated to help you live your best life and do your best work.

You have to be emotionally healthy.

Most of us look through the filter of our emotions to process daily interactions. The cleaner our emotional filter is, the healthier our decisions and reactions will be.

Let me repeat: The cleaner our emotional filter is, the healthier our decisions and reactions will be.

Insecurity, hyper-aggression, and passivity are filters that often have us reacting in ways that aren't healthy or effective.

EQ affects everything.

It affects our ability to set or not set boundaries, our communication, and our relationships.

All these things affect our ability to perform, which ultimately affects our income—our ability to earn.

Our emotional intelligence affects 58% of our on-the-job performance.

EQ is probably one of the best predictors of performance in the workplace.

The GREAT NEWS is that EQ can be developed; it can enhance our natural capabilities and our aptitude.

EQ is our ability to recognize our own emotions and the emotions of others. And EQ gives us the ability to use this information to manage our behavior and our relationships. It really is not based on how smart someone is.

EQ affects a few very important things.

1. It affects our SELF-PERCEPTION and EXPRESSION. How do we perceive ourselves, and how do we express ourselves?

2. EQ affects our INTERPERSONAL SKILLS.

3. It affects our STRESS MANAGEMENT and how we cope with challenges.

4. Would you believe that EQ affects our DECISION-MAKING? It sure does.

You can't live your best life without being able to master these four areas well.

We have to look within ourselves first.

Remember that the one person you have influence over is yourself.

So let's see what we can do on a daily basis to let our emotional intelligence help us.

⭐ EQ can help us accept criticism; it can help us move beyond making a mistake.

⭐ EQ makes it okay or comfortable to be able to say no when it's necessary and gives us the ability to share our feelings.

⭐ EQ helps with problem-solving, and that works for anyone.

⭐ It also helps us empathize with people.

⭐ EQ helps us have excellent listening skills and understand why we do the things we do.

⭐ Finally, EQ helps us not to be judgmental.

Spending time to understand and manage our emotions will definitely improve our relationships with our team members at work and all of our relationships.

You and I will always behave in a way that is consistent with the way we see ourselves.

And we will tolerate relationships that are consistent with the way we see ourselves.

In other words,

the way we see ourselves

really gives other people

a gateway or a view

as to HOW we want to be

or how we expect to be treated.

That's a nugget right there.

To improve our emotional skills, the first thing we have to do is something that we all struggle with: we say that we listen, but many times we're formulating the answer before whoever is speaking is finished talking.

So, we have to LISTEN and to be good listeners, we must pay attention.

Our patients and team members communicate with more than just words. What is the body language telling us?

Because a lot of times, body language tells us far more about the message being sent than the actual words.

We also have to be able to EMPATHIZE, to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. Just imagine how you would feel in that person's situation.

So is your team member stressed or not feeling well? Or could it be that a patient is anxious? We have to be able to empathize.

Finally, we have to be able to REFLECT. When thinking about someone's response, think about what they may be feeling. Are they anxious, frustrated, or angry? And how do your emotions differ from theirs?

Think about the role emotions play in how your colleagues or patients react and behave and what some of their coping mechanisms are.

Throughout the day, check it and see how you're feeling.

Are you anxious?

Are you irritated?

Are you calm?

Are you happy?

Check-in and see where you are at that moment.

Then take that cleansing breath if you need to. Exhale and count to 10, and give yourself time to reflect before responding to someone who is emotionally charged, aka upset.

If you're feeling upset or fired up, acknowledge that before you respond, you need time to process.

It's okay to ask for time to process as long as you don't leave the issue hanging indefinitely because avoidance is not an option.

I also want us to resist the temptation to be impulsive or hasty with our actions or responses.

Sometimes

you just need to step back

and take a minute

before you respond.

Sometimes, responding in the moment puts you in a sea of regret.

We all have work to do to improve our level of emotional intelligence.

But being deliberate about it allows us to constantly improve and be on the grow.

A Dale Carnegie quote says, "When dealing with people, remember you're not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion."

Another relevant quote is by Travis Bradbury, and Travis says, "Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others and use this awareness to manage your behavior and your relationships."

I'm learning that I have to be more consistent with checking in with myself.

I need to ask, "How am I feeling?"

What about you?

Do you need to breathe a few cleansing breaths before responding?

Do you need to give yourself time to process and evaluate the situation before responding?

Remember, faster isn't always better.

You don't have to be Usain Bolt in every situation. Slow down because you may be missing some very important clues.

Most of all, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Could they be going through something that you aren't aware of—something that could have them on edge?

Think about what Dale Carnegie said: "When dealing with people, remember, you're not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion."

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